Here are a couple of my favourite sandwich-like things.
Iceberg Lettuce and Dark Chocolate
Use white bread for this one, no butter or spread. Chill the lettuce and chocolate. Prepare the dark chocolate by chopping it into fine pieces on a board using a sharp knife. You don’t need much; about 3 squares of Bournville is plenty for a normal sized sarnie.
Then take the crispest bits of the lettuce, stick them on a slice; sprinkle the chopped chocolate on that and add the top slice.
Eat it – ’tis best fresh.
You need a sesame bagel, two fake plastic cheese slices (on no account use real cheese), a burger with slightly less diameter than the bagel (remember they shrink when cooked), and optionally a pickled gherkin.
Cook the burger however you like it, stick it in the bagel between 2 cheese slices, put the gherkin slices above the top cheese layer if you chose that option, and you’re good to go. The fun of this method is that the cheese melts through the hole and you have to get to the middle before the part at the bottom of the hole falls out.
PS: Are we happy now, Mrs Merrison?!